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Friday, March 23, 2018

Piano Hands

I haven't worked in 6 months.

I cry myself to sleep and had a breakdown in the bathroom today.

It's stressful.

I've been dealing with it by stress eating.

Donuts and Cake.

It's quite comforting.

They had a 2 for 1 special on the cake.

I haven't been posting on my social media or creating content because I have been applying and interviewing and being denied from jobs.

I posted on my Instagram today on why I haven't been posting and I'm ashamed to look at the comments and support.

How did my life get to this point?

Why didn't I just take the jobs in January???

Every day I ask myself, Why?

My family came out the last weekend... they kept asking me what I do all day... I didn't have the guts to say, "Worry about my life and how I'll make it here in Sacramento."

They were kind enough to give me rent money for my birthday.

I'm volunteering and running the Tough Mudder in Sacramento tomorrow and I'm not too excited.

It's $110 to sign up and 80% will be refunded after I volunteer.

When I signed up I put .con instead of .com and after I got denied from my UPS interview today I was on the phone with to get my email figured out and my registration ticket emailed to me.

Then I had to email tough mudder and explain that I can't get my start time because I put in my email wrong and then to figure out my volunteer time so it doesn't coincide with my start time had just been a mess.

Do you know your brain doesn't work properly when you are stressed?

Anyways I will be volunteering in bag check from 6 a.m. to 1 p.m. tomorrow and then run at 1:30 p.m.

Did you know you don't even get a metal in this race but a headband?

It's not as competitive as spartan but kinda an easy win race... we'll see how I do.

My training has been blah since I took that trip and just haven't been motivated... maybe this will be my last race.

Really I can't afford to go around and run and train...

I can't even afford donuts!

So this will be my last race and I have taken up piano.

My landlady has 2 piano in her house and my new roommate also plays so instead of running around everywhere... I will just stay home- save money and teach myself piano.

I have piano hands.

And as for being a personal trainer? I don't know.. I haven't been able to sell anyone a package for 6 months... maybe it's time to throw in the towel.

I applied to California Pizza Kitchen. Maybe G-d just wants me to be a waitress here in Sac. At least I will get benefits. And everyone loves pizza.

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